Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Top 10 Ways to Cruise Like the 80's

Here's my Top 10 ways to cruise like your in the 1980's.

To make it really fun and hands-on for my readers, I've included a selection of cars for every song and some additional pictures to offer a type of "guide" on how to really "get down" to these songs.  I do not take responsibility for all the fun (re: trouble) that may arise if you follow this guide.

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Number 10

You know what's up.  80's Power Ballad time.  Roll up the sleeves on your already tight fitting band shirt and grab a head band.  If you don't have a headband and need to make one by ripping it off an article of clothing, even better.  Let's do this.

Drive this (1981 Ford Mustang)

Look like this

Number 9

If you're not a headband-air-guitar-playing type of person like in the song before, perhaps "Let It Whip" is more up your alley.  Feel like leaning way back in your seat, all squinty-eyed, with pouty Zoolander lips, well than this is for you! Here's the catch, if anyone calls you out on chillin' and looking way cool, you'll have to bust out into the most elaborate Soul Train dance step EVER.  Might want to put on a crazy face for this part. Instructions here.

Drive this (1986 BMW 635i)

Look like this

Number 8

This should be the theme to your weekend afternoon.  Perfect for that top down cruise along Queen street.  Grab your Ray-Bans and call your hottest friends, cause this is going to be a jammy. Just like in the video, if you can, party in your car so hard that you make an old lady drop her bag of oranges.  Don't worry, it's all in good fun, besides you'll throw her in the back seat for the rest of the party anyways.  If you can get your hands on a pink guitar, huge points.

Drive this (1984 VW Golf Cabrio)

Look like this.
Number 7

It's Friday.  Arrange to pick up all the homies in your sweet ride.  If this was legit the 80's, you'd be downing 6-packs in the back seat and hollering at....well everyone.  Since it's not the 80's and this behavior is moderately to highly illegal, we'll just have to pretend like we're having this much fun.

Drive this (1988 Pontiac Thunderbird)

Look like this

Number 6

Call up your sweet heart, maybe pack a basket full of goodies (wine, cheese, sour keys, etc) and be sure to have a blanket/sweater and other items to make her feel comfortable.  Go for a cruise around or just outside of the city.  Find a nice spot (roof top parking lot in city or look out point in the country) and play the kissing game.

Drive this (1982 Volvo 245)

Look like this

Number 5

In case it isn't obvious, this song will require serious air guitar and dashboard drumming.  Dudes in the back seat can play patty cake, it's totally the song for it.  If you're at a stop light when this song breaks into the harmonica-solo-explosion, you'll have to jump out of the car and have a serious dance freak out with your buddies. Extreme fun warning.

Drive this (1983 Chrysler Lebaron)

Look like this

Number 4

This song is perfect for cruising the club district and other night life spots.  You might want to pull a Billy Madison and drive up to a high traffic area, park your ride and then park your sweet buns on your whip while letting everyone in the vicinity take in all your greatness. New Order is so wicked that people will be confused as to whether you're just hanging out or looking to start trouble.  Your demeanor should play to this confusion.

Drive this (1985 Audi Coupe GT)

Look like this

Number 3

Get ready to rock.  Anything goes here and you should really play up this joie de vivre by piling as many friends, acquaintances, and strangers into your car.  Just go with it.  Play this song over and over and let the people in the car that you trust the least make all the decisions.  This is a classic formula for success.  Don't forget to mobile update your Facebook and Twitter!

Drive this (1982 Jaguar XJ6)

Look like this

Number 2

This is practically a Rock Opera for your highway runs.  I hope you don't have any encounters with the Police when listening to this track, because I guarantee you'll make a run for it, its just too dramatic.  If your a robot you should be fine, but all human 80's-party-wannabes are suggested to play nicely with law enforcement. You can still get some spirited white-knuckled driving in while keeping it legal and safe for everyone and this track is just the inspiration you need.

Drive This (1985 Datsun 300ZX)

Look like this

Number 1

This song is an anthem for so many reasons.  Fist pumping benders at high speeds while giving everybody and their grandma the finger is just one of them.  Ok maybe I'm being a little dramatic.  But, the 1986 Beastie Boys would probably beg to differ, and by "beg to differ" I mean "kick my ass."  Good thing they're all grown up and Buddhists now.  Enjoy a good rage around town with this tune.  Make sure everyone hears how awesome you are!

Drive this (1984 Mercedes 500 SEL)

Look like this

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